Joey M.D.

When I was still in college, my professors have already warned us girls that we need to have a GWA of at least 2.0  more or less have a sure spot in UST Medicine. The guys, on the other hand, need only a GWA of 2.25.  (1.0 being the highest, 3.0 is just barely passing, 5.0 is a failing mark.)

When I was applying for residency in Ophthalmology, somebody told me that my biggest disadvantage is being female, because a certain institution accepts ONLY male residents (thankfully, that’s not the case today).

Whenever I get interviewed, I always got the question: “Do you have a boyfriend?”. I would always reply no (because that was the truth, I met my hubby towards the end of residency already) — and that would always seem to be a point in my favor.

The woman’s priority is the family, while the man’s priority is his career–that has been the long held belief by society. This belief spills over to getting applicants for med school and residency training — that a slot is wasted when given to a female because she will just end up marrying and staying home to care for her husband and kids.

I refused to believe this societal belief. I believed I was as good as any male in my chosen career and that gender should not be an issue at all.

Fast forward to the my residency…I was still single then (well, until I met the hubby in the last year of residency) and during my first year, there were only 2 of us girls, while there were 5 guys. We were definitely outnumbered. I do not know if it’s a coincidence that both of us were single, with NBSB (no boyfriend since birth).

During the second year of my residency, the department loosened up a bit and accepted 2 female residents and 1 male resident. 1 of the 2 females was married with children. And since she was a mom, sometimes she had to prioritize her family over her career. So if her child was ill or something, you could expect her to be absent. The male residents almost didn’t have that sort of problem, even if they were married. When their wives called about a problem with the children, they simply acknowledge it and leave most of the decisions to her.

Does that mean that society is right? That a woman’s place is not in medicine but at home? That when a woman gets married, she has to choose to just stay home and put her career on hold? That the residency position is all but wasted?

I believe it’s a matter of choice. And a matter of a good partnership. And compromise. I am fortunate to be married to a man who doesn’t mind being the one to change diapers. In fact, he does it better than I do. Who doesn’t mind staying home with the kid while I go to my clinic (when he’s at the clinic, I’m home). Oh, yeah, we do have a full support staff of a yaya (nanny)–who does the bulk of the work of diaper changing, feeding, and chasing after my hyperactive boy — and a grandma — who supervises the yaya — when both of us are away. This arrangement is the best for us.

I realize that there are a lot of women doctors who give up their practice in order to concentrate on their family. I believe that was also a matter of compromise between the spouses. There are families in which this is the best arrangement for them, so they chose that route. And a partnership of a full time breadwinner and a full time stay-at-home parent is also a good one, one that is traditionally favored by society. You can’t argue about something that has been proven time and again. I’m in awe of women who actually do that, because to me, that is a really big sacrifice. But, that is just not for my husband and I.

But now that I’m married and I have a child, I realize that there’s another aspect to societal pressure, especially to women. There’s a pressure on women to be good moms, even if they have lousy careers. On the same coin, men were expected to do good in their careers, even if they were lousy dads. But, society seems to be more forgiving of men who end up with lousy careers than women who end up being lousy moms. I’m talking not just about doctors here, mind you. I am not saying that there is definitely an excuse for a being a “bad mom” or that family should take a back seat to career, but that people are more forgiving of men who are not very ambitious and do not achieve much than women whose kids didn’t turn out as society wants them.

Again, does that mean that medical school, residency programs, etc. should still consider a married woman, a mother, or even an applicant who has a boyfriend as a disadvantage?

I do not think so. There are plenty of factors which make a good doctor. I’ve met a lot of men who turn out to be lousy med students, lousy residents and lousy doctors. They’re not even married. I think that boils down to attitude. A mother who has to keep her children top priority can still maintain a very good work attitude. The best doctors are the ones who have a healthy attitude toward life and has mastered, or is at least trying to master, the perfect balance between home, work and everything else. In other words, his or her attitude towards every aspect of his life. In the end, it’s not about whether the doctor is male or female, but what his or her attitude is towards being a doctor.

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This is my entry to The Blog Rounds. This edition’s theme is “Sex and the Clinics”, hosted by Dr. Manggy.